There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being in pain and not being believed. You start to wonder if maybe it is just you. You begin to question if this is what everyone else calls normal.
That was my reality through most of high school. Month after month, I had period pain so intense that there were times when I could not walk to the bathroom without holding the walls for support. I missed classes. Curled up with heat packs. I’d miss out on playing sports, I’d feel nauseous and have migraines. I tried so many over-the-counter medications as well as prescribed medications, and tried to carry on as if nothing was wrong. Each time I went to a doctor I was told this was part of growing up and I was now a ‘’young lady’’.
It took years before someone listened. By that time I had my own Medicare card and I was booking appointments myself and refusing to give up until I had answers, all while still in high school. Eventually, I found an incredible female GP who took me seriously. Tests were ordered and I was finally told I had endometriosis.
The diagnosis did not magically fix everything. Since then I have had two surgeries, hormone treatments that turned my body inside out, made me moody, fuzzy, brain foggy, and I’ve had more invasive tests than I can count. But knowing what I was dealing with changed everything. It gave me a name for what I had been carrying and most importantly, it gave me validation.
The physical pain is one thing. The emotional pain of being dismissed is something else entirely.
It made me doubt myself. Is it supposed to be like this? Is this normal?
At times, I lost confidence in speaking up, and it was really hard and frustrating to navigate the system. More recently, the cost of getting help was such a burden.
I had moments where I stopped trusting the professionals who are supposed to help. There was no wrap-around support, no one to help with diagnosis, pain management and recovery. There were still so many gaps that I only heard about after other friends mentioned things they found.
For many women, the trauma of being brushed off sits alongside the trauma of the condition itself.
Getting a diagnosis gave me answers, but it didn’t take away the years of being dismissed. And that is something I hear over and over again in my work with clients. When your pain is minimised or brushed aside, it doesn’t just affect your health. It chips away at your confidence, your trust in doctors, and even your relationships.
Through those conversations I’ve learned how much harder it can be for others. Some have faced years of not being believed. Some have carried the weight of cultural stigma that makes talking about periods or pain almost impossible. For survivors of sexual assault the reality is even more complicated, because pelvic exams and other invasive procedures can be deeply triggering. And yet life still expects you to keep showing up at school, at work, and in your relationships as if nothing is wrong.
As a therapist I support people navigating these challenges, and I see just how heavy it becomes when pain and dismissal collide. Living with symptoms that are ignored is not just a medical issue, it’s an emotional one too. Which is why for Women’s Health Week I want to share a few things I have learned that might help.
What holds us back from getting help
- Not being believed the first time
- Thinking your pain is “normal” because no one told you otherwise
- Feeling too embarrassed to bring it up again
- Not knowing which questions to ask your GP
How to advocate for yourself
This may sound familiar, but here are a few things that can make a difference
- Keep a record of your symptoms: dates, severity, how it impacts daily life
- Bring someone with you to appointments for support
- Ask direct questions about pain, periods, sex, and anything that feels off
- If you don’t feel heard, it’s okay to see another GP
Supporting someone you love
If your partner, friend or colleague is going through this, listen without minimising. Offer flexibility. Believe them when they say they are in pain. What made the biggest difference for me wasn’t just treatment, it was having people around me who didn’t question whether I was exaggerating.