Losing your dog can feel as profound as losing a loved one. For some, their four-legged companion can be the only family they have. The bond we share with our pets is unique, unconditional, uncomplicated, and part of our daily lives. When that presence is suddenly gone, the emptiness can feel overwhelming.
Recently, I lost my dog of 15 years, Walter. He, like many dogs, was a loyal companion. He didn’t care what I looked like, what mood I was in, or what I was doing. He was there. He just wanted to be near me and hang out together (sometimes literally tripping me over). He was glad to see me when I came home, wagging his tail and bringing me toys. He would snuggle with me when I was sick at home. He was always up for an adventure, a long walk, a hike or a swim.
Walter had been with me through a lot. Career changes, relationship break-ups, death of loved ones, house moves, all of it. He was the constant.
Now that he is not here, I feel listless. Almost every part of my daily routine was centred around him. Waking up early for morning walks. Certain parks I would only visit with him. Cafes I would go to because they had outdoor seating. Beaches I explored that were dog-friendly. A whole little world centred around him.
The silence in the house is something else. I still find myself looking for him in his favourite spots. Curled up in his bed, waiting by the door, sprawled out in that patch of sunlight in the backyard. I catch myself looking around for him. I hear a sound and think it is him. Then I remember he is gone.
Pet Grief Gets Minimised
What surprised me most about losing Walter was how deeply it affected me, and how little some people seemed to understand. This is really common. Pet grief often gets dismissed by people who have not experienced it. People might say things like “it was just a dog” or suggest that the loss should not hit as hard as losing a human family member.
I was lucky. My friends and family were fantastic. They brought me flowers. They offered to come visit. My partner, who was also grieving Walter, took care of me and made me soup. That support made a real difference.
Our dogs do not judge us. They do not hold grudges. They do not care about our successes or failures in the traditional sense. They love us simply for being us. For many of us, especially those who live alone or are going through difficult times, our dogs provide a level of companionship and emotional support that is irreplaceable.
The grief is also complicated by the fact that we are often responsible for making end-of-life decisions for our pets. The weight of choosing when to say goodbye. Wondering if it is the right time. Questioning whether we acted too soon or waited too long. That stuff can feel really painful. Those thoughts can add layers of guilt and second-guessing to what is already a painful experience.
How to Help Someone Going Through Pet Grief
Here is what I have learned from my own experience and from working with people who have lost pets.
It can be hard to see someone you care about in distress. It is really important not to dismiss these feelings or try to get them to be happy or grateful. All feelings are valid. Let them know they can be sad or distressed around you and you will not judge them or try to change how they are feeling.
Avoid saying things like “it was just a pet” or “you will get over it” or “you can get a new one”. These can be dismissive and make someone feel like their emotions are not valid. Even well-meaning comments like “at least you had 15 good years together” or “they lived a long life” can sometimes feel diminishing, as if the length of time should somehow lessen the pain of loss.
Instead, try saying something like, “I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet can be really tough, and it is okay to feel upset right now.” This can help them feel heard and understood. It gives them space to express their emotions without fear of judgment.
You can also say things like “I am here for you” or “I know this is really hard for you”. Offer practical support. Bring some food. Go for a walk together. Sometimes the most helpful thing is not grand gestures but simply showing up. Sitting with them in their sadness. Listening to stories about their beloved pet. Just being present without trying to fix anything.
It is totally okay to share your pain and sadness too. Letting them see your vulnerable side can normalise the experience. You might say something like “I really miss Walter too. Things will feel a little strange in the house without him.” If you have memories of their pet, share them. Talk about the funny things they did. The quirks that made them special. This honours the pet’s life and reminds the grieving person that their companion mattered to others too.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone experiences grief differently. They may have strong feelings right away, or they may feel them weeks or months later. Some people may bounce back quickly. Others may need more time to process their emotions. When they are ready, some may want to talk about welcoming another pet into their lives. That is okay too. Others may never feel ready for another pet. That is equally valid.
What Helped Me
For me, I needed alone time, some nourishing food and time to feel my feelings without judgment. There were days when I did not change out of my pyjamas and needed chicken soup. That is okay.
I gave myself permission to be a mess. To cry when I needed to. To take time off work when the weight of it all felt too heavy.
Talking to other people who had lost pets was surprisingly comforting. There is something about connecting with others who truly understand this particular loss. Conversations with friends who had been through it, reminded me I was not alone in my grief.
I also allowed myself to feel the full range of emotions that came up. Some days I felt profound sadness. Other days I felt angry at the unfairness of dogs’ short lifespans, at myself for things I wished I had done differently. Sometimes I felt guilty for the times I was too busy or too tired to give Walter the attention he deserved. Sometimes, I felt grateful for every single day I had with him, for the joy he brought into my life, for the lessons he taught me about love and presence.
There Is No Timeline
Grief does not follow a linear path. There are good days and hard days. Days when I can think about him and smile. Days when a random memory catches me off guard and brings tears to my eyes.
Grief is love with nowhere to go. All that affection. All that care. All those little daily acts of love we showed our pets. When they are gone, we are left holding all of that with no recipient. It takes time to figure out what to do with it.
I will forever miss Walter’s quirky personality. The way he could not contain his excitement when he would smell the beach through the car window. How he would wipe his nose on the doona cover after a satisfying meal. His endless love of tennis balls. I miss the weight of his head on my lap. The sound of his paws on the floorboards. The way he would sigh contentedly when he finally settled down for the night.
I am also grateful. Grateful for 15 years of unconditional love. Grateful for every walk, every cuddle, every mundane moment we shared. Grateful that I got to be the person he chose to love, and that he was the dog who taught me what it means to be truly present with another being.
If you are reading this because you have recently lost a pet, please know that your grief is valid. Your pain is real. The love you had for your pet was special and irreplaceable. Take all the time you need. Be gentle with yourself. It is possible to honour your pet’s memory while slowly finding your way back to joy