Sex education when I was in school was a joke. For me, it was one class, taught by our local school Reverend. He was alright in that he let us call him Rev, but the actual education? Completely useless. It skimmed over contraception, gave a basic rundown of biology, and that was about it. No one talked about relationships, pleasure, consent or anything that actually mattered.
In my Health and Human Development class, the girls were made to watch a graphic video of childbirth. I am pretty sure it was meant to scare us out of having sex altogether rather than actually educate us. No one followed up with a useful conversation. No one talked about what a healthy sex life looks like. Just here’s a video of a screaming woman in labour, now go make good choices. Later, when I started working in mental health, I learned about how medication impacts sex drive and function. It blew my mind how many people avoid taking medication because of the effect it has on their libido, yet no one talks about it. People feel too awkward to bring it up, and their doctors never ask.
I was talking to a psychiatrist once who was reprimanded for asking a young male patient about how his medication was affecting his sex life. The psychiatrist knew full well that not being able to have the experiences he wanted as a young man would be a significant reason for him to stop taking his medication. The conversation needed to be had. And yet, this one brave psychiatrist who had this conversation was not treated kindly. He was made to feel like a creep for even asking.
This is the reality. Young people, adults, couples—so many people struggle with the impact of medication, mental health conditions and physical illnesses on their sexual wellbeing. But if we do not create space for these conversations, they suffer in silence.
Now, as a couples therapist, I see people struggling in their relationships because of painful or difficult sexual experiences. Many have never been given the right support, let alone been referred to a pelvic physio. Some feel like they are the only ones dealing with this. Others assume there is nothing they can do.
If you work in healthcare or support people in any way, you need to get comfortable talking about sex. Sexual health is impacted by so many things: mental health conditions; physical illnesses; hormonal changes; medication side effects; post-surgery complications; cancer treatment; prostate issue; menopause; pregnancy and childbirth. The list goes on. And yet, people are rarely asked about their sexual wellbeing, even when it is directly relevant to their health.
I cannot tell you how many people come to therapy feeling desperate after seeing multiple health practitioners and never once being asked how their condition or treatment has affected their sexual health and relationships. They assume they are the only ones going through it. They assume they just have to put up with it.
Here’s the thing, if you are uncomfortable talking about sex, your clients and patients will be too. If you avoid the topic, they will avoid it too. And that means people go without help, without options and without hope.
At The Therapy Hub, we are big on having the hard conversations. We believe that talking about sex, relationships and mental health should not be awkward or taboo. If you want to build your confidence in discussing these topics with clients, or if you want a space where these conversations are normalised, we are here to help.
It is time to stop shying away from these conversations. People’s health, relationships and quality of life depend on it.