Why Couples Keep Arguing
Why Couples Keep Arguing and What It’s Really About?
Tired of fighting and wanting more connection, but not sure what keeps going wrong?
Most couples are not fighting about what they think they are fighting about.
The fight might be about money. Or chores. Or sex. Or parenting. Or time.
That is usually the surface issue. it’s not really what we’re fighting about!
Underneath, there is something else going on.
Why do Couples Keep Fighting about the Same Things?
What’s this really about?
Often, it is about feeling unseen. Carrying more than your share. Not knowing how to ask for closeness without it turning into conflict.
This is very common. There is nothing wrong with you for being here.
I see this pattern a lot with couples who feel tired, stuck, and confused about why the same argument keeps coming back.
What this guide is for?
This guide is for people who want a happier relationship but feel caught in the same conflict over and over.
You might be thinking:
“We keep talking about this,” or “Why does this always end the same way?”
You do not need to be in crisis. Noticing that something keeps looping is enough.
Why Couples Get Stuck in the Same Argument
When couples keep having the same fight, it is rarely because they have not explained themselves well enough.
It is usually because they are reacting to a pattern.
One person pushes.
The other pulls away.
Both feel unheard.
The topic changes. The pattern stays.
Talking it through once does not change the pattern. Trying harder usually does not either.
This is where people get stuck.
What you will get?
Inside, I share...
This is a short guide based on the work I do with couples every day.
- Why the same fights repeat?
- What people often miss when they focus on the issue instead of the pattern?
- What to pay attention to before things escalate?
- How to slow things down enough to respond differently?
There is also a simple reflection to help you notice what is happening in your own relationship.
It is designed to be read in under 15 minutes.
Are you sick of…
- Are you sick of having the same argument and feeling like nothing really changes?
- Are you sick of talking it through, only to end up right back where you started?
- Are you sick of wondering whether it is the issue itself or something underneath that you cannot quite name?
If those questions land, this guide is for you.
It helps you slow things down, notice the pattern you are caught in, and start asking a better question.
What’s this really about?
Why this matters?
Repeated conflict rarely blows a relationship up all at once.
More often, it wears things down.
People stop raising things.
Assumptions take over.
Distance grows.
Understanding what the fight is really about earlier gives you more choice about what to do next.
About me.
I’m Marie Vakakis.
I’m an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and a couples and family therapist. I work with people who care about their relationships and want to stay connected, even when things feel hard.
I wrote this because this is a pattern I see a lot. People are trying. Often they just need a clearer way to understand what is happening.
What happens when you download the guide?
You will receive the guide by email.
From time to time, I will also share reflections, podcast episodes from This Complex Life, and resources for people who want more support.
You can unsubscribe whenever you like.
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Why couples keep having the same fight and what to focus on instead.
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Before you go
If this resonates, there are different ways people take the next step. Some want something structured they can work through on their own. Some realise they need support to slow things down and repair.
For now, this is simply a place to pause and ask a better question.
What is this really about?