I’m just not good enough

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with psychologist Belinda Gibson for a candid conversation about the pressures of perfectionism and the pervasive feeling of not being good enough. We share insights from our client work and personal experiences, discussing how this belief can impact relationships and self-esteem without us even realising it. Join them us as we explore ways to recognise and address these feelings, and learn how to engage in meaningful conversations with friends and family. 


  • Where do our feelings of “Not Feeling Good Enough” come from? We discuss how this belief is learned over time and how it becomes a strong, almost inherent feeling.
  • Unpacking Shoulds: We talk about that the use of “shoulds” in language can indicate feelings of failure and not being good enough. We delve into how these internal judgments manifest in day-to-day life.
  • The Pressure to Be Perfect: We discuss the societal expectation that we must excel in something to enjoy it fully, and how this belief stifles exploration and playfulness.
  • Shame and Growth: We explore how shame can hinder our growth mindset, making it difficult to embrace vulnerability and learn new skills.
  • Seeking Support: We talk about the importance of self-compassion and finding safe spaces and people to share our vulnerabilities and growth journeys.


Key Takeaways:

  • The “not good enough” feeling can show up in various aspects of life, affecting our choices and behaviors.
  • Societal expectations of perfectionism can hinder our enjoyment of activities we might otherwise find pleasurable.
  • Shame linked to inadequacy can impede personal growth and learning new skills.
  • Fear of rejection may lead to avoiding tough conversations, affecting genuine connections.
  • Seeking support and finding safe spaces for self-exploration can be instrumental in untangling the “not good enough” feeling.

Choose your people, right. Choose the people that are safe. Choose the people that can do that with you, that have shown in some way that they can be with you when it’s hard or uncomfortable. Choose your people.

Belinda Gibson



About your guest Belinda Gibson

Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.


Connect with Belinda




  • The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown: A book on embracing vulnerability and self-compassion.
  • Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Resources: Guided meditations and self-compassion checklist to foster self-compassion https://self-compassion.org/
  • Inside Out (Movie): Check out this animated film that offers a creative depiction of emotions and inner struggles.



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